Emerging Stronger: My Triumph Over Postnatal Depression!

Postnatal Depression

In the midst of Mental Health Awareness Week, revisiting a poignant throwback photo with my newborn, Nami, compels me to share a personal odyssey through postnatal depression. Behind the veneer of joy lay the silent struggles of exhaustion and overwhelm, making it crucial to unveil the shadows of postnatal depression.

Read more: Emerging Stronger: My Triumph Over Postnatal Depression!

Navigating the baby blues:

As the curtain rose on the anticipated challenges of sleep deprivation, my initial childbirth experience served as the catalyst for postnatal depression, echoing the lingering strains of my mental health battles. Young age, an unhappy relationship, and a lack of support painted the initial backdrop. With my second pregnancy, the expectation was only of the transient baby blues, but postnatal depression revisited.

Postnatal Depression

A Dream Homebirth and Unexpected Anxiety:

The dreamy homebirth with Nami, surrounded by supportive midwives, a doula, my partner, and mother, felt perfect. Tears of joy flowed as I cradled my baby, believing we’d overcome all hurdles. However, anxiety crept in around day 10, shattering the illusion. Fear paralyzed me, and leaving the house became a daunting task.

mental health and home birth
My Water home birth set-up

The Struggle Beyond Baby Blues:

Beyond the expected exhaustion, my anxiety soared. Nights were spent vigilantly watching over Nami, terrified that any lapse might bring harm. Each day brought tears, exhaustion, and an irrational reluctance to let others hold my baby. This wasn’t merely baby blues; my mental health teetered on the edge. Guilt compounded as I grappled with the idea that I didn’t deserve to express my struggles despite having the miracle baby I had yearned for.

Breaking the Silence: Seeking Help:

A turning point arrived during a vulnerable moment with my midwife. Opening up was liberating; the floodgates of emotion released. Encouraged to seek help, I connected with the right resources. It wasn’t an immediate fix, but the acknowledgment of a problem, shedding guilt, and accepting help marked the initial steps.

Postnatal Depression
A very tired and sleep deprived mama

The Universal Struggle with Postnatal Depression:

Postnatal depression knows no boundaries. It can strike at any time, even during periods expected to be joyous. Admitting, “I’m struggling with postnatal depression, and I need help,” doesn’t diminish your worth. It makes you human, acknowledging that everyone has their moments. Sometimes, survival is as simple as focusing on getting through the day.

postnatal depression
baby blues
My perfect angel

Hope in Healing:

Receiving therapy became my lifeline, steering me toward recovery. Sharing my story is an invitation to anyone who needs to hear it. You don’t have to wear a brave face, and you certainly don’t need to suffer in silence. Reach out, ask for help, because you are not alone, and it will get better.

Until next time my friends, love the life you’re living…in all its flawed beauty.

Amanda xoxo

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Amanda Millie
Amanda Millie

I am addicted to living up to the best version of me i possibly can. Perfectly imperfect and biohacking my way to long healthier and longer so I can be a present mama for my kids and myself.

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5 Comments

  1. Mamen
    May 22, 2020 / 9:04 am

    You are so amazing that words can’t describe!! Thanks for opening up and showing that it’s okay not to be okay❤️

  2. Amelia
    May 22, 2020 / 1:29 pm

    Wow, such a heartwarming and honest read. So happy that you’ve made it through to the other side into the light with a beautiful family that love you unconditionally XX

  3. Zamira ali.
    May 23, 2020 / 1:03 am

    Often we tend not to want to share anything related to our mental health in fear of how others would view us. Sometimes just knowing where to start seems like an impossible task. Not only I am glad that you were able to seek out for help but able to share it with us.
    ❤️

  4. Victoria
    June 4, 2020 / 8:32 pm

    So pleased that you shared your feelings and your truth with your midwife, what a relief that must have felt. You are very loved and you are very love-able. Don’t ever forget that.

  5. February 1, 2021 / 5:40 pm

    I am so glad that you discussed your thoughts and emotions and your facts with your nurse, for it must have been such a relief to you. I would like to inspire you to be brave because you are already a brave human! Love for you!
    Mental health treatment in Bangladesh

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