People-pleasing is a behaviour many of us fall into without even realising it. At its core, people-pleasing isn’t just about being helpful or agreeable; it often stems from a deep-seated need for approval. We may fear rejection, conflict, or judgment so much that we put others’ needs ahead of our own, often at the expense of our well-being.
My Journey as a Recovering People-Pleaser
I spent most of my younger years and early adulthood as a chronic people-pleaser. I would go out of my way to make others happy, even when it meant compromising my own feelings, boundaries, or desires. Deep down, I didn’t feel like I was worthy of love as I was, so I sought validation through the approval of others.
The turning point came when I realised how exhausted and disconnected I felt from myself. Pleasing others wasn’t filling the void I felt inside; it was only making it bigger. I knew I needed to change. Over time, through self-work, I learned to embrace and love myself as I am. The more I accepted my own worth, the more I naturally attracted people who valued me for who I truly am—not for what I could do for them.
If you’re stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing, know that breaking free is possible. Here’s what helped me, and what can help you too.
Why Do We People-Please?
Understanding why we engage in people-pleasing is the first step to overcoming it. Common reasons include:
- Seeking external validation: We look for others’ approval to feel good about ourselves.
- Fear of conflict or rejection: We avoid saying no or asserting boundaries because we fear losing relationships.
- Low self-worth: We believe our value is tied to how much we give or do for others.
At its heart, people-pleasing is often about a lack of self-acceptance. When we don’t value ourselves, we seek that value externally.
How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser: Actionable Tips
- Recognise and Reflect
Start by observing when and why you’re saying yes. Are you agreeing out of genuine desire, or is it driven by fear or guilt? Journaling can help you uncover patterns and triggers in your behaviour. - Set Boundaries
Begin setting small boundaries with people you trust. Practice saying no to things that don’t align with your values or priorities. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a powerful way to reclaim your time and energy. - Prioritise Self-Care
People-pleasers often neglect their own needs. Make self-care a priority—whether it’s setting aside time for rest, pursuing a hobby, or simply saying no to overcommitment. - Challenge Your Beliefs
Ask yourself: Why do I feel like I need someone else’s approval? Start challenging the belief that your worth is tied to how much you do for others. Replace it with affirmations like, “I am enough as I am.” - Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You
This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Not everyone will approve of your choices, and that’s okay. What matters is that you approve of yourself. - Seek Support
Surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, not just what you can do for them. If needed, seek help from a therapist or coach to work through deeper issues of self-worth. - Practice Self-Love
Work on building a loving and accepting relationship with yourself. Celebrate your strengths, forgive your imperfections, and nurture your inner worth.
What Happens When You Stop People-Pleasing
When I stopped prioritising others’ approval over my own well-being, my entire life shifted. I began to attract people who aligned with my values and appreciated the real me. I no longer felt drained or resentful, and I gained a newfound sense of freedom.
You too can break free from people-pleasing. It starts with small, intentional steps toward valuing and loving yourself as you are. When you do, you’ll find that the people and opportunities that align with your authentic self will naturally flow into your life.
Final Thoughts
People-pleasing is a habit rooted in the need for approval, but you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. By recognising your worth, setting boundaries, and practicing self-love, you can free yourself from the need to please others and live a more authentic, fulfilling life.
Remember: You are worthy of love and respect just as you are. Start saying yes to yourself today, and watch how your world begins to change. Until next time my friends, Live Inspired, Heal fully and Thrive authentically!
I’m dedicated to wellness, constantly striving to be my best self while inspiring others to do the same. Embracing my journey, flaws and all, I’m committed to biohacking for a healthier, longer life—so I can be a present mama for my kids and inspire others to authentically live their best lives too. 💫
